Service Helps Parents Cope and Find Hope after Infant Loss

After a storm, there’s often a beautiful rainbow. For parents who have gone through the dark times of miscarriage and infant loss, a baby born after that time is called a rainbow baby.

Luke and Katie Moore of London know all too well the dark times, but also have had the joy of a rainbow baby – their Owen is now 17 months old. Their joy was aided through a service offered through Saint Joseph London in conjunction with St. Sylvester Catholic Church in Laurel County. 

The Moores had experienced three miscarriages before Owen, and saw many dark days through those months in 2022. The first two pregnancies ended early in the term, and the couple handled the health issues at home. In the third pregnancy, the couple ended up at Saint Joseph London.

“Even though we were dealing with a lot of emotion, they took care of it to where we didn’t have to deal with other issues,” Katie said. “They just handled us with such care.”

For Luke, “your mind is all over the place.”

What they needed was closure. The burial service provided to families who experience infant loss was a balm on the ache they were feeling.

“We had our family there,” Katie said. “They lit a candle and just recognized each set of parents and we were able to go to the gravesite. It was really like closure for us.”

“That service alone, it was very comforting,” Luke said.

For many, discussion of miscarriage and infant loss is taboo, Katie said. But it’s helpful to share those feelings with others who have gone through it.

“It was the most peace I had found,” Luke said of the burial service. “That was the most closure and peace of mind that I got through that whole experience.”

That’s the goal, said Youmarcks Jacques, “Chaplain YouYou,” the chaplain at Saint Joseph London.

The hospital first started offering the services in 2019, and has performed services each quarter to help impacted families find closure.

Sometimes, Chaplain YouYou said, families aren’t able to have a private burial due to financial reasons. For others, it’s just too overwhelming.

“They have to cope with the despair they have, especially for many who were expecting their first child,” he said. “Even for those who already have a child, it’s always a big loss for their families.”

Chaplain YouYou said many parents seek strength through Jeremiah 1:5 God says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born, I sanctified you; and I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

”My goal is to offer them hope where there is no hope,” he said.

Families find some peace in being able to talk about their babies. “You see their grief,” Chaplain YouYou said. “They cry a lot. Having the burials for them … that gives them some comfort and hope, but the closure as well.”

Katie and Luke Moore felt that closure, and that hope. Before learning they were pregnant with Owen, the couple had begun to think about other options for becoming parents. A specialist helped them to determine the issue that led to the three miscarriages.

Finally, in the pregnancy that fulfilled their dream of becoming parents, Katie savored every joy. Like many bereaved parents, the Moores haven’t forgotten the experiences they had in the previous pregnancies. They’re grateful for the support they received at the hospital – a caregiver came in to pray with them; the nursing staff checked regularly on their emotional state. “Everybody was encouraging,” Luke said. “You could tell they understood the weight of what was going on.”

When they returned to the hospital for various tests and delivery, they were scared, but the hope and each successive experience … the ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat … inspired even more hope until Owen’s delivery at 37 weeks. Now, they find strength in their baby, and in sharing their story. 

“A lot of people feel too awkward to speak about a miscarriage,” Luke said. “It’s the hurt that goes with it. We want to use our experience to help others cope.”

That experience includes the help with closure, finding hope and remembering.

“Through Owen, it honors the other three (babies they lost),” Luke said.

The next burial service for infants lost to miscarriage or stillbirth will be held Saturday, Nov. 16.